Baby Steps

Most of my friends of my age would have climbed the corporate ladder to the middle management or perhaps the tip-top management already. I do not even possess a merit degree like most of my classmates did in NIE. However occasionally I could not help but compare my life with theirs.

Ever since the gold investment with Genneva got into trouble, my second income with Genneva is on a stand still.  I calmly and diligently did my job hunt and had never treated this matter in a frantic manner even though bad news seemed to pile up every single day. Being a tutor seemed to be the best career move for me at this point, however I still feel a grade lower than my counterparts who are the 'real' teachers in schools, this was said in a matter of fact by my student recently.

Most of my mornings are spent cracking my brains in chess with the slumber deity so I thought it will be more responsible of me to find some part time morning jobs.

Egoism does work itself into my job search mode. Being antisocial and dissociate, I shy away from jobs like receptionist,telemarketers, sales and jobs-alike that requires 'meeting people'. I look into administrative, home-based, basically jobs that require more handling of machines or pets. In this midst of unable-to-retire comfortably situation, I still refused to budge to return to a higher paid MOE teaching job for fear of my incompetence of handling a bigger number of kids. The mere thoughts of marking tons of essays still send a chill down my spine. This may sound ridiculous when I have been with the school system for more than a decade. At the moment, I still prefer to eat 'grass' than turn back to teaching in schools.

However the only thing I know is to teach and this hinders my job search. It is frustrating and irrefutable that I am so unqualified and too old for so many jobs. If I had hindsight back in my 20s, I would have probably tread on the information technology ground to seek a diploma instead of hankering for a degree in education.

'Success is never an accident.'

Perhaps my baby steps toward unearthing my ideal career path will lead me to another aspect of life? Who can tell....

Joan Baez - Where have All The Flowers Gone

Where have all my old times gone? Long time passing....

舅舅，你走好啊！

病魔没有折磨你太久，但是它今天还是战胜了你。63年光辉精彩的人生，舅舅，你应该不会有遗憾吧！


你是我的中华文化启蒙老师，你是我的政治敏感度启蒙老师，你是最疼我的舅舅！人生匆匆而过，我总是在失去以后才后悔，后悔没有多陪你度过这最后的余生，因为我以为你还能撑多至少3个月！ 甚至我以为我还能看到你明年来到我们家吃团圆饭，没想到去年是我们和你最后的团圆饭，到广州医治鼻咽癌使你错过了今年的团员饭！

舅舅，我还没跟你学够中华文化，还没跟你讨教如何写好毛笔字，还没再度和你驾车到马来西亚游玩。三年在美国， 我回来时没有去找你，以为会有机会的。回来后也只是偶尔碰面，我以为还有大把时间，但是我们都被时间打败了。舅舅请你别怨我这个没心的外甥女呀！

如果有来世，我绝不要其他的人当我舅舅，我就是要你！

舅舅，你一路走好啊！

我看奥林匹克

不记得何年何月开始‘追’看奥林匹克。

优记得当年1988年奥运刚好是我中四会考时期，我边啃书边废寝忘食地盯着电视，这会儿很是着急会考，另一端又操心中国队是否能夺得一面金牌。（虽然身为新加坡人，然而若指望新加坡队伍得奖牌可说是望尘莫及，只好把心暂且隔在同是黄皮肤的族类吧！）除了‘安慰’自己并且不断催眠自己是‘无所不能’、‘一心能多用’的聪明人，我当时认为奥林匹克的赛事和我的中四会考是并列的重要事，由此鱼与熊掌，我都要兼得！我看田径赛时还把生物学的原理用在这些‘飞人’身上。想不到天助我也，第二天的生物考试题果然有道题是让我们描述人在跑动时运用的哪些肌肉功能等等，我当时边写边暗里嬉笑，脑海中浮现出昨日观看100米赛跑项目的运动员肌肉的运作影像！

一晃过了这么多年，我对奥运会的热忱一如往昔。2008年的北京奥运应该是很精彩吧？可惜我第一次不再新加坡观看电视直播，由于是在美国亚利桑那，那里的电视转播不如新加坡，很多时候都在播游泳赛事，因为那年出现了Micheal Phelps。 于是我向来追捧的体操、跳水、排球等都无法观赏。

如今我衣锦还乡，有了电缆频道，2012年伦敦奥运才第一天我就已经观看了至少7个钟头！此时此刻还在直播意大利女排对垒多梅尼迦女队呢。

我的确梦想成为奥运运动员！ 毫无疑问，我当然知道我是痴人说梦话或是酒醉的缘故才会脱口说出的话，这辈子我是不可能的啦。 可是如果有来世，如果能投胎再世为人，我要成为奥运运动员，就算是举重，我也想成为他们其中的一个！

对了， 刚才女子轻量级举重冠军归中国队......女排、沙滩排球、游泳、羽毛球怎么同时进行......糟糕，该看哪一项......

Quote of the day: When you feel at your worst is when you get to know yourself best. --Sean Koegh

Emotional baggage allowance

Recently, i watched this taiwan drama serial which typically builds around the plot of a love story of four. As the drama unfolds, it is almost predictable what the next scene will depict on. Then after a long struggle of the four-love triangle, there is a refreshing part portrayed by the grandpa character. He was giving advice to the second male lead. The grandpa was asked why he was willing to spend half his life waiting for his lover who had never returned since the day she left him. He described that the first emotions that he had was furious and anger. As months and years passed, he began to understand and he learnt to appreciate what he had before. His love turned to hatred, from hatred to relief of emotional baggage and finally from the emotional baggage release to self-awareness.

As i aged, this self-awareness occurs often more than i have expected and many friends that used to be so close have left me. I treasured those times i had with them and i know that it will never be the same again even if we meet and get together again. I owe no one and no one owns me, ultimately we will leave this world naked and we can bring no one. After all baggage allowance is always limited, it pays to have too much emotional baggage. So whoever i meet now, i leave it to fate to decree.

2012 世界末日？

 

最近看了许多有关世界末日的报导：玛雅族人预测今年12月21日是玛雅族5000年轮历，即是世界末日，甚至连预测变易的中国古书《易经》也有不谋而合的预测！信还是不信？我是半信半疑的。

许多人总在新的一年里许下新年愿望并发誓承诺愿望，而我向来是那种不‘跟风’的人，因此（幸好）没有作任何我知道自己无法兑现的新年愿望；不然的话，要是知道世界即将灭亡，什么愿望八九成都会落空，在面对最后一次呼吸时，突增多几分遗憾，走的多不瞑目呀！
假使我们都真的只剩下不到一年的时间来向这个世界道别，你会怎么度过那最后一日？
去年亚洲新闻主播向主播室的同事发了这个问题，据所知，大多人都说和家人一起度过最后一天，我想这应该是几乎全世界的人的答案吧。有个主播说他要成为最后一个走的人，因为他太爱这个世界了。换作是我，我绝对不愿意，因为我非常自私，我不要眼睁睁看着世人，看着家人先离我而去，太绝望，太凄凉了！要走，大家就抱在一块儿一起上路吧！
 不可能！老天不可能如此绝情地对待我这个傻妞的，常言道傻人有傻福，不可能那么快呼唤我。老天还没让我遇到爱我爱到死的家伙，还没让我环游世界，还没让我为更多不幸的人谋福利，还没让我看透人类的心机和智慧，还没让我玩够....我不甘心！
2012 ...深...呼...吸...