其实我应该在这里多写写令人振奋或是愉快的事好让朋友阅读时不会乏味，然而我最近真的很消极，写不出令人鼓舞和乐观的东西。
我还没有冲动得做出一些朋友都认为我不应该做的事----向教育部再度递上辞职信。父母和妹妹都看得出我每天早上要去学校前的‘死人’脸，我不懂得掩饰我的心情和想法，难过就是难过，在亲人面前还有什么要掩饰的！
我的意志也开始很消沉，幸好我还不至于患上忧郁症。令我十分意外的是爸爸竟然鼓励我去参加什么红娘组织！可能他以为我要是找到了男人，我就不会这么沮丧。打从我长大成人，也只有老妈会催促我找男朋友，想不到如今老爸也来这一套！我还没等他说完，便掉头往厨房走，连答应也懒得吭。
我想有一天我会对两老说，请别再劝我找终身伴侣，因为我已经放弃，况且都快39了，谁还会对我有兴趣，我也不再报任何希望。我只想要逃离教学，逃离新加坡的生活，逃离这个‘排斥’单身主义的国度。还是美国人好，不会理会我是不是老姑婆，嫁不嫁的问题，而是把我当正常人来看待。悔不当初当时在美国，为什么不积极找份工并且继续呆在那里。那么我也就不会像现在一样，写着博客时，心里还挂着那叠未改的作文。错失良机也只能怪自己没有远见，算不到自己竟然那么不堪一击，无法调试自己来适应3年后回新的教学生涯。我好悲呀......
2 comments:
Hi Cousin, don't be sad, just to share with you that, during my 'lo hei' dinner with my 5 closed friends (all married), you will be surprised that, 4 out of 5 of us (including myself) wish that we were still single!!!! The pressure that comes along after married - husband, children, in-laws, are not what you can imagined! Yes, it may be true that in our Asian society, it is difficult to accept the single, but PLEASE bear in mind that there are still a lot of single out there. Do not let your parents, friends or society pressure you, live life to the fullest, ignore negative remarks! Must stay positive all the time! I will always support you! Take care,
Love: Cousin Doris
ps: All the best in your job search.
thanks so much! cousin for your encouragement! Trying very hard to stay positive but easier said than done! By nature, i am actually quite melancholic so i know i made my friends around me feel exasperated when i am down. Still your words of encouragement is a boost! Thanks again!
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