Peach farm 23 May 2010

花痴

我很喜欢花。

我屋外的桃红和淡红夹竹桃在这两年半载里的每个夏季来临时总不负‘索托’争芳吐艳。现在不把这些花给留下‘倩影’，明年的夏季我已不再此地，更待何时？

曾经和我一同旅行的朋友都会知道我对花的痴迷到了哪种地步。是的，我会边驾车边叫：“你们看！路边绽放的向日葵美得不得了！天啊！真的很让人感动哩！”还好，到目前为止我还未此而遇上车祸，不然我怎么甘心放弃这美丽的大千世界扬长而去；我更舍不得这些花花草草。是不是有人笑我长不大，是超级大傻瓜，怎么连对花也寄放这么多的情感，甚至是路边的野花我也会对它们心存感激，感激它们让我拥有这么美好的视觉享受。

是痴？是醉？我醉与不醉，是在你们眼里；我醒与不醒，却是在我的心里。

一直以来，我梦想能有一天开个小花店或是当个花农，每天被姹紫嫣红、繁花似锦的花儿环抱着，呼吸着花儿所发出的香气。哇！多么写意，多么浪漫！人生还复复何求呢？

梦想．．．．．．

bypassing monument valley 13feb10

Bisbee and tombstone

arches national park 14 feb10

 

leaving Utah 16 feb 10

Simplicity

Just caught a movie 'Clash of the Titans' with Vijay 3 hours ago. Going to the cinemas is a common pastime of city people like us but eversince i arrived in Arizona to work, i have never visited a movie theatre in the States. I seem to be making a big deal out of this but as a moderate movie-goer back in Singapore, this is a pretty more than a teeny weeny deal, afterall i did not visit the cinema here for 2 whole years. The last time i stepped into a movie theatre was in fact back in Singapore on a home trip last december. It was the amazing scientific fantasy movie 'the Avatar' which starred Sam Worthington then. Coincidentally, i get to 'see' him in action again in this first film i watched in Arizona, he starred in the remake epic ''Clash' as Perseus, son of the God, Zeus.

I remembered some of the Singaporeans that i met here in Arizona told me about the 'no big deal' thing of watching a movie here, especially the technology in the theatres cannot match those in Singapore. Thus my stepping into a cinema had been postponed till now when i finally found someone who is not concern of this issue to accompany me. I went to the theatre with very little expectation, yet when there is no dolby sound effect, no Chinese or English subtitles and the lacklustre of 'super solid' vivid colours, i could not help but compare the movie experience in Arizona to that in Singapore. Yes, we are a small country but we do have 'big' advanced film depictions and technology to fill our senses in the cinemas.

Well, Arizona is lacking behind in some ways...so what? The arizonas still patronise these cinemas with zeal and so did i (eventhough i will only give it a 3 out of 5 credits to the movie experience if you ask me). All in all, i have to constantly remind myself to learn to appreciate simplicity in life, the simplicity that ultimately leads me to happiness.

暗恋

好像每到春季，我就失眠，习以为常，本也不该有什么怨言；偏偏正要入睡时却又不受控制地回想往事。那天看了台湾偶像连续剧后就泛起了一些联想。戏本来就是戏，我的人生绝对不会像剧中的女主角--灰姑娘遇上白马王子那样，然后永远幸福地过着生活。哈哈，别说是白马王子，就是瘸马王子我想也轮不到我啦！

此时此刻，我又不由自主地想起初学院时同班的他。

说真的，我已经忘了他叫什么名，可是他的模样我并没忘。如果现在让我遇到他，而且他没变的话，我一定认得他。他让我心动的那一天的情景，我历历在目。回想起来，我忍不住发笑，也不怕说给任何人听。他不是十分英俊，绝不是言承旭那种（我喜欢这个台湾偶像演员，有些傲气、坏坏的感觉），但他就是有那股逼人的帅气可使得周边的女同学都像蜜蜂扑向花般被他所吸引。当然我这个丑小鸭也偷偷地对他投以爱慕的眼光。

有一回，我们在实验室里做化学实验，笨手笨脚兼白目的我就是无法将两种化学成分的液体混合好，失败了几次后便不禁自怨自艾。旁边的男同学对我无动于衷，而就在我正懊恼的当儿，他从我桌后静悄悄地走过来，一言不发地将我其中一个化学液体管子上的夹子往下一挪，液体受到控制后，自然滴率也就随着慢下来，混合液体的变化开始恢复常规，实验成功了！我顿时羞得满脸通红，这么简单的实验，但因为由我这个‘粗枝大叶’的笨女孩来搞自然没什么镐头！（所以初二时我放弃修化学改为修读物理）他只对我浅浅一笑便转身走回他的座位，而我只能对他更增添了多一份仰慕。我的模样十足像个乡巴佬，不丑也土死了（如今的我不时髦但是觉得比以前好一些啦），所以没有男生敢接近我，碰上这等事觉得好羞愧，而他竟不用我开口就来帮我，当年才17岁的我是情窦初开的年龄，我当然轻易堕入爱河；现在回想起来，我却实在受不了当时的自己，怎么那么可笑！

然而我无法向他表态因为围在他身边的女生也不是泛泛之辈，各有各的美貌，更有的是班上的优秀生，她们才貌双全，我拿什么去跟这些女生争，也只能默默暗恋他两年。他应该算是我暗恋对象为时最长的一个吧！

如果有一天我再遇到他，我会笑着对他说：“唉，对不起，忘了你的名了，但是想要告诉你，谢谢你在21年前帮我完成那次的化学实验！还有，让你今天快乐一下，我在初一时就很仰慕你了而且是两年之久哦！但是你记得我是谁吗？”当然他如果已经有了家庭，九成会有啦，这些话也只能在这里说了.....

童话是儿童的话语，与现实是挂不上勾的。

Yesterday

Yesterday was my birthday and for the first time of my life, i find the true meaning of health. Was teaching halfway before my eyes swelled to the point that my primary one kids were quite reluctant and awkward to look me in the eyes or face. I know i look hideous and that i was allergic to this medicine ibuprofen. So a kind parent offered to bring me to the air base medical centre to have a look at my illness. Well, as usual, the clinics is reputed to close at the official time and will not give a minute more to anyone. So she drove me to the nearby hospital emergency instead! Gosh, i never thought i need to go to an emergency room again so soon since the time i did 3 years ago at Changi hospital due to a fish bone stuck in my throat.

Well, so today i call off my lessons in case any of my pupils will catch on my flu disease. I had always been in good health and i tried very hard to maintain this for my stay here in US. Afterall, i am alone when i am sick and i have only myself to depend on to get myself on the road again. So confident was i that i will not succumb to this viral flu that is going around since i have survived it for the past 2 years. No, heaven forbids, i have to admit defeat to it on my last year stinct here. Then again, a few parents were so nice to bring me food and herbal tea, that took away some of my sickness blues.

My birthdays would usually end up with me having exams in my younger days and now being a teacher for so many donkey years, i would end up setting exam papers for the students. I had a roaring birthday last year with Jenny and Jessica celebrating with me though but this year, i had no one, just the sickness and the hospital detol smell! I am filled with gratitude that at least i did have a birthday slam to reminensce upon. Friends these days come and go, i know i will meet new friends and possibly have a blasting time. Concievably then they may, whoosh, suddenly be gone, big time. Those whom once i thought cared for me, will we ever meet again and talk about old times and forget all the betrayals? I would never know and perhaps it is good not to know so as to move forward in life... 

力不从心

这几天身体不适，每天的精力只足够熬过教书的时间。为此，也替自己找了借口而贪睡，没去健身班或瑜伽课。由此我便不敢在镜子面前招得太久或是站在秤量机上看那可怕的数字上升，免得庸人自扰。

两天前看了‘过期’早报的一则报道，标题是《教我如何喜欢华文？》，感触良多。

作者是一名中学老师，教的是中四高级华文班而且是爱华文的学生。只是他感叹中四会考的形式只能培养出考得好成绩的学生但不能’考‘出爱华文的学生。感同身受呀！远在美国教书的我更觉得教导这群因耳濡目染而极受美国文化影响的新加坡学生更是累！除了’美化‘的影响之外，基本上现在的孩子娇生惯养，碰上稍微不如意或困难的时候就只知道打退堂鼓，举白旗投降。当然我也知道就算人在新加坡，他们也同样排斥华文，江山易改，本性难移嘛！

不管我多么擅长讲故事也好，费尽心思想出各种有趣的游戏，学生听完后，游戏结束后，还是会当着你的面泼冷水。华文课好闷啊，作文好难写啊，我不知道老师你在说什么.....这些话怎能叫我教得不沮丧，不刺痛我的心啊！咳，真的，教了这么多年，越来越力不从心。

Walking is never easy

Have always thought that the simplest exercise to do is walking. Eversince i started to trek and hike, the definition of 'walking' is no longer a simple term of lifting your feet and taking a step forward. The strenous hike i ever did was in Nepal back in 2006, then comes the 12mile hike to Colorado river in Grand Canyon. Some friends told me that they are satisfied with just 'seeing' the scenery at the lookout points. For me, the more hikes i did, the more i want to get to see the 'best' scenes or artifacts or monument there is at the end of the 'road'.

If i had not pressed on to the Delicate arch in the Arches National park, i would have just be satisfied with a lookout point of the 'teeny-weeny' sight of the arch way off on the mountain. Then again, the trail is really not suited for the weak hearted or the 'non-walker'. Now that i have reached and even walked underneath this arch, all the panting and huffing of the 4.8km trail is really worth it, plus not forgetting the slip on the frozen snow path at the switchbacks and fear of falling off the cliff. Mother nature is created in such a way that it seems we need to work for it in order to get the ultimate glimpse, as in the case of me doing the crazy hike in Grand Canyon just to touch the Colorado river and to stand under the Delicate arch.

To quench my thirst for seeing more in a different view from the usual travellers seems to be never ending now. At times, a part of me wished that i have consented to extend teaching in US for 2 years instead of one but i know i need to move on. This world is never enough...