Sometimes i really do not understand myself and what i want, the worrisome thoughts is so overwhelming that i wish i can go back in time and start all over again to relive, rekindle and recollect my life. I know that time and tide waits for no man, that i could end up as a pauper if i quit teaching. Still, even knowing that does not deter me from tendering my resignation once more to the ministry to prove to myself for the last time that i do not need to work for a system which i have endured and disliked for over 10 years. I did it once and now i have to make it twice. Am i proud of it? Alas! Not true! I have not regretted the first time i did it and i do hope i do not this time round again...
I have given my youth to teaching in the primary schools since 1997 and when i look back at what i have done and contributed, it makes me shudder. Not with great pride but my conscience is clear that i have given enough, much more so that i do not even mind if i cannot have a proper job waiting at hand when i come to my last day of service.
What I worry is that i might even have to live on cup noodles if i could not get a fix income. This makes me feel insecure because i have been sheltered for so long in this comfort zone but i know i have to get out of this dead water before i am caught dead in it. I just need to 'psycho' myself that i have to live my life as it comes and to get out of this mid-life crisis as soon as possible. Friends tell me that it is hard to get out of teaching, is there really no miracle? I am not afraid of living alone for the rest of my life but i need a stable career because this will get me to face total loneliness in the future in ease without the woes of monetary matters. Fairy godmother, wherefore art thee? What should i do now?
I wish i can be as strong as the Japanese, even they who lost their homes to tsunamis and earthquakes are not relenting. So on what grounds do i have to even lament!
