听我说话

每天我都会说很多话，教学自然要啰嗦，尤其现在孩子的程度简直不堪入目，我活象一本字典，每个词说个不停。

但是.....说课后，我的心事、想法、感慨和无奈却无所适从。没有知己，没得倾诉，只好对着家前院的花花草草自言自语。花儿因此而开放、果树因此而结果，可我却变得有些些神经质。

我不知道真正的知己能多深入地了解对方，我至今仍未找到无所不谈、毫无隐瞒心事的朋友。是的，博客也不是。

这让我还在寻寻觅觅的朋友不须要解决我的烦恼，因为我只需要一个聆听者，只需要偶尔让我发发牢骚，只需偶尔出现的聆听者，无须日日夜夜地陪伴，因为我也有情绪，喜好独自思索的空间。

有很多话想说，可是不是说不出口，而是愿不愿意说。再说，我会猜测对方听了会不会介意，毕竟说者无心，听者有意；万一我这张时不时脱口而出的话连我自己也感到意外，为何说得那么刺耳、那么言不由衷，就如此不小心伤害或得罪了人，那么我在这世上又多了一号敌人。

曾说出那些没心没肺的话只为了博得君的注意，没别的恶意。太多的懊悔，只求上天不要再惩罚我，让我在有生之年，觅得这样的一位聆听者。

明明知道...

明知迟睡不好，可是就是无法在两小时前入眠。

明知贪吃对身体不益，但是见到美食却馋嘴得很，欲罢不能。

明知衣服已经买的够穿上几年，仍旧在遇上大减价时，还是又买了两件。

明知很希望得到别人的在乎和肯定，但是还是在人前装得冷漠和高不可攀的模样。

明知现在岁月不留人，催人老，还是不愿去参加什么联姻会或是上网寻伴。不是要求高，只是仍然相信偶遇，相信那人在灯火阑珊处。

明知死守以前的回忆，会让人停滞不前，在夜里彻夜难眠；痛苦依旧、心碎依旧。其实我明了这么下来，他也不会为我流泪，他也决不会跟我一样为那无法磨灭的记忆----与他曾走过的旅途而迷茫。

明知不该继续陶醉在幻想中，现实与梦想是对立的，何苦这么折磨自己，这世上没有人比自己更爱自己了，连自己也瞧不起自己，还有谁会看得起。是的，我真太傻太没用了，太丢女人的脸了。明知千不该万不该的好多好多...

问世间情为何物？Love, what is the true meaning?

It is a story of a man and an older woman who ran off to live and love each other  in peace for over half a century.

Over 50 years ago, Liu, a 19 year-old boy, fell in  love with a 29 year-old widowed mother named Xu. At that time, it was unacceptable and immoral for a young  man to love an older woman. To avoid the market gossip, the couple decided to elope and lived in a cave in Jiangjin County in Southern ChongQing area.

In the beginning, they had nothing, no electricity or even food. They had to eat grass and roots they found in the mountain, and Liu made a kerosene lamp that they used to light up their lives.

In the second year of living in the mountain, Liu began and continued for over 50 years, to hand-carve the steps so that his wife could get down the mountain easily.

Half a century later in 2001, a group of adventurers were exploring
the forest and were surprised to find the elderly couple and the over 6,000 hand-carved steps.  The couple had lived in peace for over 50 years until last week. Liu, now 72 years, returned from his daily farm work and collapsed. Xu sat and prayed with her husband.

As he passed away in her arms. So in love with Xu, was Liu, that no
one was able to release the grip he had on his wife's hand even after he had passed away.
 

In 2006, their story had became one of the top 10 love stories from China,collected by the Chinese Women Weekly. The local government has decided to preserve the love ladder and the place they lived as a museum, so this love story can live forever.


Love... How many of us really, truly know the meaning?


     "We make them cry who care for us
     We cry for those who never care for us
     And we care for those who will never cry for us
     This is the truth of life, it's strange but true
     Once you realize this, it's never too late to change"

附录：直叫人生死相许.....曾经拥有好过从未有过吧。

这一生等不到杨过，希望来世我就是杨过，一生只爱小龙女，就算有很多红颜知己.....

Deficiency

Growing old is mandatory, that is, getting hard of hearing, eyesight is not as sharp as they used to be, long-hour shopping brings abit of ache to the back and etc etc. I have never been afraid of growing old physically but these days the thought of being older by the day and not being able to do the things which used to be done easily worries me.

Somehow there is this urge in me that there are so many things in this world waiting for me to explore and experience, therefore 'physical deficiency' will also mean that i will get to see less and perhaps even miss out some incredible sights or happenings. Undeniably, i have done alot of things that perhaps many of my age may not have even thought of doing. It is the fact that i have done so much walking and touring these couple of years which sents a message across my brains to wanting more(talk about greediness) and somehow i am still unsatisfied.

Pisces are known to be sacrificial for others...perhaps i should have been a nurse who is living by the edge at the frontline of the Afghanistan wartorn zone or feeding an African child whose parents have forsaken him/her...possible solution in preventing my further 'enhancement' of possible dementia.

Time and tide waits for no man is a notion that i live by since my teen days and i still live by it, even though it is beyond my means to accomplish everything on a daily basis. What is considered a complete life? What is it that i should be seeking now at this juncture of my life is something that still puzzles me...