暗恋

好像每到春季，我就失眠，习以为常，本也不该有什么怨言；偏偏正要入睡时却又不受控制地回想往事。那天看了台湾偶像连续剧后就泛起了一些联想。戏本来就是戏，我的人生绝对不会像剧中的女主角--灰姑娘遇上白马王子那样，然后永远幸福地过着生活。哈哈，别说是白马王子，就是瘸马王子我想也轮不到我啦！

此时此刻，我又不由自主地想起初学院时同班的他。

说真的，我已经忘了他叫什么名，可是他的模样我并没忘。如果现在让我遇到他，而且他没变的话，我一定认得他。他让我心动的那一天的情景，我历历在目。回想起来，我忍不住发笑，也不怕说给任何人听。他不是十分英俊，绝不是言承旭那种（我喜欢这个台湾偶像演员，有些傲气、坏坏的感觉），但他就是有那股逼人的帅气可使得周边的女同学都像蜜蜂扑向花般被他所吸引。当然我这个丑小鸭也偷偷地对他投以爱慕的眼光。

有一回，我们在实验室里做化学实验，笨手笨脚兼白目的我就是无法将两种化学成分的液体混合好，失败了几次后便不禁自怨自艾。旁边的男同学对我无动于衷，而就在我正懊恼的当儿，他从我桌后静悄悄地走过来，一言不发地将我其中一个化学液体管子上的夹子往下一挪，液体受到控制后，自然滴率也就随着慢下来，混合液体的变化开始恢复常规，实验成功了！我顿时羞得满脸通红，这么简单的实验，但因为由我这个‘粗枝大叶’的笨女孩来搞自然没什么镐头！（所以初二时我放弃修化学改为修读物理）他只对我浅浅一笑便转身走回他的座位，而我只能对他更增添了多一份仰慕。我的模样十足像个乡巴佬，不丑也土死了（如今的我不时髦但是觉得比以前好一些啦），所以没有男生敢接近我，碰上这等事觉得好羞愧，而他竟不用我开口就来帮我，当年才17岁的我是情窦初开的年龄，我当然轻易堕入爱河；现在回想起来，我却实在受不了当时的自己，怎么那么可笑！

然而我无法向他表态因为围在他身边的女生也不是泛泛之辈，各有各的美貌，更有的是班上的优秀生，她们才貌双全，我拿什么去跟这些女生争，也只能默默暗恋他两年。他应该算是我暗恋对象为时最长的一个吧！

如果有一天我再遇到他，我会笑着对他说：“唉，对不起，忘了你的名了，但是想要告诉你，谢谢你在21年前帮我完成那次的化学实验！还有，让你今天快乐一下，我在初一时就很仰慕你了而且是两年之久哦！但是你记得我是谁吗？”当然他如果已经有了家庭，九成会有啦，这些话也只能在这里说了.....

童话是儿童的话语，与现实是挂不上勾的。

Yesterday

Yesterday was my birthday and for the first time of my life, i find the true meaning of health. Was teaching halfway before my eyes swelled to the point that my primary one kids were quite reluctant and awkward to look me in the eyes or face. I know i look hideous and that i was allergic to this medicine ibuprofen. So a kind parent offered to bring me to the air base medical centre to have a look at my illness. Well, as usual, the clinics is reputed to close at the official time and will not give a minute more to anyone. So she drove me to the nearby hospital emergency instead! Gosh, i never thought i need to go to an emergency room again so soon since the time i did 3 years ago at Changi hospital due to a fish bone stuck in my throat.

Well, so today i call off my lessons in case any of my pupils will catch on my flu disease. I had always been in good health and i tried very hard to maintain this for my stay here in US. Afterall, i am alone when i am sick and i have only myself to depend on to get myself on the road again. So confident was i that i will not succumb to this viral flu that is going around since i have survived it for the past 2 years. No, heaven forbids, i have to admit defeat to it on my last year stinct here. Then again, a few parents were so nice to bring me food and herbal tea, that took away some of my sickness blues.

My birthdays would usually end up with me having exams in my younger days and now being a teacher for so many donkey years, i would end up setting exam papers for the students. I had a roaring birthday last year with Jenny and Jessica celebrating with me though but this year, i had no one, just the sickness and the hospital detol smell! I am filled with gratitude that at least i did have a birthday slam to reminensce upon. Friends these days come and go, i know i will meet new friends and possibly have a blasting time. Concievably then they may, whoosh, suddenly be gone, big time. Those whom once i thought cared for me, will we ever meet again and talk about old times and forget all the betrayals? I would never know and perhaps it is good not to know so as to move forward in life...