When i was young, no one taught me how to really know a person's character or personality. First impressions seemed to matter much and we were taught to be courteous and behave as a child should be. In my case, then i carried this notion with me, conforming to what the adults wanted us to be--obedient and respectful. Being naive, I have no qualms to whom i met and i trusted the whole wide world. As one grew older, you start to realize that this world is harsh and the tinge of 'cruelty in human' implants in your mindset. Well, that was what i deemed at times when i was a teenager. Reality bites as days gone by and the realization of betrayal happened from time to time.
As an adult, when you think you know a person well, you begin to find fault, even at your own family members. Sometimes we tend to be less forgiving towards even the little minor fault of the person that you care about most. At the end of the day, we know that we have hurt each other so badly. Frankly, it is so hard to forget whoever did me wrong or the words they say that kept my nightmare going, i am still learning to forgive.....
Reaching 40 in 3 years' time, time waits for no man and i have yet to learn to know a person inside out. Sometimes i could not even tell if the person is a friend or a foe. I truly wanted to be able to trust totally to those i care, yet my past experiences deterred me from opening up. Often times, i say the things i never meant to say and hurt the people whom i never meant to hurt simply for the fact that knowing somebody is never easy for me. Do you know what i am trying to convey? Gosh, even i, am still searching for someone to tell who i really am.....
